Logged: 8 / 29 / 25

It always bothers me quite a bit when religious folk get uptight about atheism because we say "Life is just the creation of mere chance!!!" But I feel like that's a bit of a misinterpretation, at least for me. Life wasn't really formed by pure chance. First of all for life to evolve you need a habitable planet. Right now we believe that for a planet to be inhabitable for life it needs to have liquid water, an energy resource, alignments with its Sun/other planets that produces proper amounts of heat, and a food source. (although we are learning now that life can exists in much more extreme environments. (Nasa.gov , Radiotrophic fungus) Usually though after a planets formation, Nasa.gov, they are not habitable. Earth began as an extremely hot molten environment with an atmosphere FULL of carbon (similarly to Venus, how Earth became much less like Venus) Then, around 4.5 billion years ago, Earth cooled a point to form what we now live on... the crust! (this all very simplified please read included sources if your really interested and do your own research) This evolution of Earth was, yes, was chance, but I also think that our planets and solar systems ability to form a planet so perfectly for life is almost in a way, godlike, something that we humans could not do and no life form we know of can. I think the sheer dumbing down of Earths evolution is a bit insulting to the amount of energy and work it really takes to grow and evolve and planet. Earths cooling  was caused by teeny tiny ice particles morphing with rocks that were crashing into Earth. These teeny tiny ice particles were able too cool an entire planet over the course of millions of years. When earth has finally cooled enough, water, that had previously been a gas, began to form and be pulled down to Earth from the atmosphere as rain. Once again, over millions of years, this cycle formed our oceans, and our oceans formed our life. Even our position in the solar system has to be absolutely perfect for life meaning the size of Earth and its gravitational pull had to align in a way with the Suns that was exactly close/far enough for life. The chances of that seem to be so tiny that I think its fucking beautiful and insane that we have the sheer opportunity to fucking exists in this world. Climate change threatens our entire planet and really it's just temps on Earth rising, what people don't understand though is that effects EVERYTHING!! Earth has to be at a perfect temp to sustain all normal functions including the ENTIRE EXSISTANCE OF LIFE!! I think this fact that Earth has to be at such a perfect level to sustain life shows me that chance is beautiful and chance can caused incredible and wonderful things. Chance does not mean that life's existence is meaningless and forgettable. It took billions of years for our planet to even be inhabitable for life. Does that not show just how beautiful life forming how it did truly is? How much time it took for us be here? Not to mention the millions of years of evolution it took for humans to become what we are today. Without our earliest ancestors environments treating them how they did, we might not have ever evolved to this point.  Intelligent life such as ours might not even be on Earth at all. We evolved our larger brains and higher capabilities through so many factors within our environments from needing to hunt and hide from predators too needing to group together to survive and learning how each others faces show different things. I mean seriously our existence took so much energy from nature, DNA, natural selection, our brains themselves to say that all of that nature and the universe itself and all these elements that formed life today are not enough to explain us really bothers me. Im done ranting thank you 

Logged: 8 / 29 / 25

I'm really not much different than my younger self. I still have similar interest, emotions, thoughts, all of it. My family thinks there was an abrupt change when my mom died, but really I just didn't need to keep up the act anymore.

Logged: 8 / 22 / 25
I stayed up all night and then started my morning by watch Elephant(2003) and Imperium(2016)... I had a very stressful morning. I was captivated by Elephant from the opening scene its a beautifully shot movie and so devastating in its realism. Fucking struck me in the head with a brick. Through the framing of the shots and the audio they really make you feel like you are the character. The school experience overall feels vivid and real and honestly I was shocked by this movie. 10/10 flawless movie. Imperium was terrifying I am quite the horror fanatic and I don't think any horror movie has made me feel like my life was truly threatened like that, it was horrific. The way they represent the manipulation tactics within this white supremacy group is also extremely well done. Very real and raw to how these groups really are. Honestly they still censor out a lot because how are you going to show a horrific hate crime in a PG13 movie. Harry Potter's acting in this is fucking insane when they show his expressions in these horrifying situations it amplifying it so much. The other day I watched Annihilation with the queen Natalie Portman... also an amazing movie the mental health representation made me giggle a bit but all movies seem to represent mentally ill people in that simplified/washed down form so its whateva. I really really enjoyed the actual genetic scrambling going on in the movie I think that is a fantastic idea that they could have taken wayyyyy further. I'm thinking like Outlast type shit but with many more options because of this genetic scramble. I love Natalie Portman she makes me go "Oh my gosh Natalie Portman!" and then point really aggressively at the tv when her face pops up. I think I should probably make a film log. I'm starving lol I need a chocolate croissant or the souls of the rich to feast on :(

Logged: 8 / 11 / 25
Hello.... Today the journal was created and I am quite excited. I really really like talking about my thoughts but I never do... so now I can on the internet.... fuck yeah..... I have lots of drawings and new webpages I want to add onto this site. Hopefully one day this site will be so stuffed with bullshit your able to get lost! That would be fun. I didn't even realize it was August until today.. lol #webhermit... oh mrow now its 6am and I haven't slept. I'm going to convince myself to get out of bed today and go get myself a chocolate croissant. How bout that sheit. okay thank you bye bye meowwww.... Update, its been a few hours.. I got my chocolate croissants.. yayaya